Universe were made of a billion different Earths, with a billion
different scenarios, with a billion different Selves of yours, would
you still be who you are right now? More importantly, would
you still be sane?
It's just lucky, then, that the same God watches over us all.
Welcome to The Mages, of The Project's collection of online Christian Manga!
Act I Scene ii
03 October 2010
Hi guys, it's been about four months since I graduated from college, and almost two since I started work. It's such a strange feeling to realize - hey wait, I'm supposed to be a grown-up. Even so, I've been reading from this blog for teens called The Rebellution and it's all about doing Hard Things for Christ. Hard things like pushing yourself to live as a disciple of His word. Simple hard things like not getting irritated at someone who you're finding unreasonable or really annoying. Hard things like committing to serving the Lord despite being busy. Hard things like letting go of your worries because you know God has a hope and a future for you.
Although I can say that I've been challenged to do some "hard" things to change certain ways to live in a more godly manner, I feel like I've not been doing anything "hard" for the last year or so. Yes, there was college that didn't end so long ago, but I feel like I've regressed rather than improve. I feel like I've been telling myself a dozen times a month "this is where it is all different" "today's the day it all changes" "today is the day I overhaul my ______". Honestly, have I been pushing myself? No, there's always the excuse - the excuse that I have exams, the excuse the post-graduation holidays this is my only time to rest before work starts, the excuse that work has started... and in the end there's procrastination all around. Frankly, my existance just feels like survivng the work experience, not wrapping my free time around "doing hard things."
When did I stop doing hard things? I'm not too sure. The last semester of college was sort of a regression into tiredness that became laziness pretty quickly. I feel like I'm always making resolutations and then always making excuses for why I don't live up to them. When did I stop doing hard things? I think the answer is - when I stopped being spiritually disciplined as well. And I don't mean failing to believe and trust in God or go to church or cell group or being invested there. It's more subtle. It's more of failing to really seek, seek, seek His face and press in to listen. To intercede and not just pray. To skimp through the Bible and not pore over every word. I feel like when I stopped doing thing, I lost the discipline, motivation, and drive to do other things as well. Namely work on this comic.
So, I dunno. Today was an existential crisis of sorts - wondering what I've done with my life since Third Year, First Semester. Will today be the turn-around day?